Saturday, March 14, 2009

Two nights of Death

Two nights ago:
I was with my ex and his mother. I had a gun, and she had a gun, and she was alternating between pointing her handgun at us and at herself. She kept putting it under her chin, like she was going to blow her head off. I kept telling her to put down the gun, and that everything would be ok, that she didn't REALLY want to kill herself. We finally got her to put down the gun on a table, and I grabbed it and took out the bullets.
She stood there crying.
Then my mother came in and said that her mother, my grandmother, had taken an entire bottle of sleeping pills, and she had died. So then I start crying and crying. I go upstairs to the bathroom, and I find my ex in the bathtub, under the water. I poke him, crying saying "Grammy is dead, grammy is dead." But he won't come up for air. He is dead too.

Last night:
I got a midnight text message in my dream from someone that one of my good friends had died in a car accident. Apparently he had been speeding and went around a corner too fast. I thought the text was a dream, so in my dream I rolled over and went back to sleep. When I got up the next morning, in the dream, I saw the text message, and completely fell apart. My friend and I haven't spoken in two months. We had some innocent fun back around Thanksgiving 2008, and I think he was hurt by it. I called another friend that I've made this year up at school, and I was bawling into the phone about the accident and how my friend and I hadn't talked in two months and now we would never talk again. Then I started thinking about my friend's mom, and I kept asking myself if I should go see her.

I texted him today to let him know about this dream, and to make sure he's ok. All I got was "I'm fine" I responded, but he isn't talking to me anymore.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

concious of the fact I am not awake?

I woke up badly yesterday morning.

I had been dreaming, and my mind and dream mind and body were all so confused.

I thought I was awake, under my blanket, in my room, looking around in the dark...but I couldn't move. I've heard of this happening to people, but in those stories, people tend to panic. I was calm. I knew I wasn't awake, and that I was still dreaming.

I was laying there, trying desperately to tear myself from sleep, to move my body, but it wouldn't budge.

My dream mind knew where my phone was, and my dream hand fumbled for the phone, and tried to make a call...but my phone wasn't working. So I thought. Oh well. I'll just relax, and I'll wake up later.
I relaxed, and then tried very quickly to sit up.
I woke up, still lying down.

I got out of bed, and went to the kitchen. I sat down at the kitchen table, checked my email, and then thought: I don't know why I'm awake. It's 7am on a Monday morning. I have nothing to be doing! So I went back to bed, for two hours...but I couldn't shake the weird dreamself that had kept me from waking up.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


I was being held by terrorists. They started burning people alive. I remember there was a spiral staircase that was caged in, and it was packed with people. They all knew they were going to be burned to death, so they started tossing the children out, so they would fall to their deaths to avoid the horrible burning. I was at the bottom of the staircase, on the outside looking in. The terrorists made me watch them burn people in groups. I was mesmerized by the fire, but kept trying to look away because of the screams and the stench. Many were trying to escape their doom, but I woke up with the face of one man etched into the backs of my eyelids. He sat cross-legged as the flames licked at his skin and crept upwards, engulfing him. He was thin, wearing little for clothing, and he had sunken eyes, that were staring ahead, looking straight at me.
I turned to the terrorists, and I said that I would rather kill them myself than watch them all suffer so, and they spoke in Arabic as one passed me a metal bar, laughing.
I had it in my hands, and I looked at them all again, already beyond saving, and I turned back to the terrorists and said, "NO! I don't need to have this on my hands for God to judge me."
They stared at me. I realized I had said this in Arabic (Though I do not know enough Arabic to say that.) Then I continued...
"A salam alyakum...peace be unto you."
And then I bent my head and started to recite Qura'anic verse...
I don't know the Qura'an at this time.
The whole thing was disconcerting. It was a terrible situation. I had to choose to let people die horribly by being burned to death, at the hands of evil, or kill them myself. I told them I didn't want God to judge me for such a terrible action, but which was worse: Letting them suffer, or killing them? I have been raised by atheist...I am agnostic...but I know when I said to them that I didn't want God to judge me, I internally KNEW that I didn't believe what I was saying. I DIDNT believe God would judge me. I didn't want to have to judge myself. I just thought they would like hearing that I was God-fearing. I was trying to fit in for some reason. I was trying to assimilate. Its why I wasn't burned with them. Because I knew verses, because I spoke Arabic, because I was wearing a headscarf....

Friday, February 13, 2009

which planet includes my ex and a space station?

I walked in the front door at my EX's parents house, somewhere I spent a lot of time when we were high school...

The first room you hit is the living-room, and it was a Christmas morning scenario. The family was sitting around on the couches, opening gifts. I watched from back further, near the door, as a fly on the wall. Jill, the mom, had a water bottle that was painted and she had filled it with very fine glitter, which she was spraying around. Something very special had happened.

My EX, was there with his baby-momma(BM), and she was a bit weepy. He had given her a very nice ring. And Jill (the EX's mom) was spraying the glitter like there was no tomorrow. I moved in to say hello, and the BM stopped and glared at me, and I said something about being sorry I had intruded once before, but really now all I wanted was to say hi to Jill. The BM like cracked, smiled, then said she was sorry too, and that she was glad I had come.

We did one of those really kinda awkward hugs....and I remember one of my arms was REALLY in an awkward position. I couldn't bend it.

Then we sat down, she and I next to each other on the floor, my EX and his mom on the couch. That's when I saw the ring up close. It was the kind of ring he always wanted to buy, and the kind I never would have accepted. Any guy that buys me a ring like that doesn't know me. In any case, she opened her next gift which was "Rattlesnake eggs" know...those magnets that you toss in the air separately, but near enough each other that they get pulled together and make a rattlesnake noise.....look them up if you haven't a clue as to what I mean. And I laughed and made a peace sign with my fingers, then put it in front of my mouth, like a snakes forked tongue. Then made hissing noises, and the BM got really pissed, and then my EX said, oh come on, she's kidding around, you both can be pretty bitchy.

So then I watched Jill squirt more glitter. I was getting tired of the glitter.

I got up and left....

Next thing I remember, I'm discussing something important with a captain of some sort. We are talking about something very important. I remember I am wearing a short pink dress, fifties style button down, but a bit short for the fifties. Then all of a sudden we get word someone has infiltrated?

The captain I am speaking with pulls out a gun, and points it through the vent on the floor.

I see from another prospective, the prospective of the robot or thing that has gotten inside, and I see more and more gun point sticking out of the vent. I can see the gun-holders eyes in the barrels. They collect and collect and finally someone gives the word to fire, and they do, but then the robot or starts picking them off...and then tears through the lower level of our station ship or whatever the hell we are on.

People start getting in their personal ships, evacuating trying to get home to earth before being taken out by the rampaging robot. A lot of people get out...The captain and a few others and myself are supposed to remain on board as long as possible. I go to check on our quarters, which happen to eject as is and become a rather comfortable ship. I go in and count the bed space we have, and our capacity, in case we need to bring anyone with us.

I look in one of the rooms near by ours. Its my EX and his BM, the baby and his family. They are clueless as to what is going on. I talk to the captain, I tell him there is a baby with the family. He says there is no way we can fit 8 more people in our ship to get back. I keep stressing...but they have a baby, but they have a baby......

Monday, February 9, 2009

My dreams...

I am beginning to think that my dreams from night to night are inter-related.

I think that there is something important between the lines, behind what seems so real to me when I sleep.

I have recurring themes of Royalty and Aliens...

Being far from home...



Of Kings and Queens and Unseen Things

Dream, yet again: I was on the grounds of a palace, with a brother and sister of mine. We weren’t royalty, but we seemed to be important to the royal family somehow. The oldest of their daughters was darkhaied, with rosy cheeks and full lips, her name was….Lola?
We were walking on a large lawn, the size of a soccer field, that was surrounded by a pool of clear water. There were liveried servants milling about, though they were discreet and I didn’t know what they were doing. Suddnely the word came that visitors were coming, and the servants did a quick wardrobe change on all of us. Lola was wearing a pink gown…but I remember struggling with the word, wanting to say gown, but then having to change it to robe(French for dress). I was wearing a blue dress. It was faaar too frilly for my taste, but I had little choice in the matter, as the “guests” were already arriving.
The King and Queen came first, and we were to walk towards the in pairs, each girl with a guy.
I remember we made it to the other end of the field, which was shaded by trees, and stopped at the waters edge. I pretended like I was going to jump across, but did not because it would have been too far, and I would have fallen in.
Then next thing I remember, we were all in the water. We must have changed clothes, because I don’t remember feeling weighted down by a gown. I did begin to feel panicky and swam to the edge of the pool, clinging to the side. Lola wasn’t sharing my anxiety, swimming circles around me. In the corner of the pool, I remember she went under and I could hear her humming some march that was played for Queens, and she came up for air saying….”I can’t wait”
Then, as I said…guests were arriving.
The “guests” were a fearsome looking bunch. They had very strange faces and bodies, and were wearing black leather, had strange piercings and tattoos. They looked like trouble. We all went inside, changing clothes again. I must have had on a pair of trousers…from what I remember later on in the dream…
We were in a room with the royal family, and then the “guests” came in and went to shut the door, I didn’t like this, and I got up and went towards the door saying…I really need to use the toilet, please let me use the toilet. The leader of that bunch said, “Nobody will go to the toilet. Nobody will be leaving.”
I went and sat back down.
One of the bunch was very odd. His head was shaped a bit like that of a toad. He had eyes on top of his head, bulging, and then another pair of eyes directly behind the first set, as well as an eye on either side of his head, near his ears. It was unsettling because no matter how he turned his head, he was staring at you. I don’t know how his brain rocessed all this information, as he didn’t seem that bright. Another looked a bit like a boar. He had green bristly hair on top of his head, a piercing through his nose, and then he had a long…snout.
One of them apparently wanted Lola and her sister for wives or slaves. Whatever these brutes were into. I rushed over to the King who was seated and didn’t know quite what to do. I hugged him and whispered in his ear that My siblings and myself would never let anything happen to Lola or her sister or any of the royal family.
I backed off.
“I can get you something even more wonderful.”
“And what would that be?” Answered the leader.
“There is a great treasure, and I can lead you to it.”
I described it to him in detail, though it didn’t exist. I then told him to get to it, he would have to go below the castle, and through some very tricky manouevers. He told me that my brother would have to go with them.
So my brother (who was definitely not my brother from real life…) went with two of the uglies down to the dungeons. They accidentally unleashed a fairy spirit from behind a dungeon wall. The name that my brother gave her was Coraline, but I knew that rang false. She has another name.
He got upstairs, and told everyone to check all their documents that were handwritten. Her favorite thing was to erase signatures or handwritten notes. She also would hide things or turn them upside down.
I went to my room and found that all my letters from france were erased.
I wanted to scream, but couldn’t.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Another Planet. On Love.

I have more fuzzy memories of this one...

I was with my family on a camping trip, and I could feel that I was waiting for someone to arrive. A tall guy showed up. His name was Landon or Langdon or Landron or something like that. Tall and blonde. Quiet.

He and I got to talking, though mostly he was talking to my family. I was impatient for something.

We walked off, talking, and I remember feeling forced, a bit uncomfortable talking to him.

We were suddenly somewhere like Earth, but definitely not Earth. There was a shop and before we went in, and L. was trying to explain it to me. It was some sort of government building. Like the DMV. Except it was to register and/or change official skin color. I was shocked, but he said that if I was planning on living here, as I had apparently indicated, I would need to change my skin color from Earthling to something else. At first I was a bit excited, but then I looked at him and realized he was White Earthling color too. I was puzzled, but we were already inside, and I couldn't ask any silly questions about it before getting my color changed. If the officials heard me there would be problems. I tried talking to him in French, but he glared and said that wasn't spoken here, and he didn't understand anyway. English only.

So then we are waiting in line and I look around, trying to get a good idea of what really is going on. There is a young couple ahead of me, and the young man is holding a baby. The baby is TEAL. It was crying. They got to the counter, and I thought that surely they were going to CHANGE the baby's color, but no, they seemed very proud they had produced this blue being, and were registering it's color.

L. and I are holding hands. Not sure how that happened. In the dream I liked it. Now in hindsight, as a concious person, I'm not sure what the hell I was doing.

My turn came around, and L. asked the lady at the high desk for HROOF color for my skin. And she looked over her spectacles at me and said, "that might be a little dark for" I said, "OH! I don't want to be TOO dark!" Then she pulls out lighter shades of the skin colors. They come in blocks that look like cheese or clay. L. says no to all of these. Then he asks about another color, which I don't hear, and out comes a block that looks JUST LIKE CHEDDAR CHEESE. She said something like EXCELLENT choice. I looked at them both, then at L, and was like "NOOOOO uh-uhhhhhh!!!!!"

He said something to the effect of "Well it's MY official skin color."

I looked at him. There was NO WAY. He was paler than I am, and that says something.

But as we were looking at eachother, something gave, and he picked one of the lighter tones, closer to what he had been calling "Earthling color"
and I was happy and he was happy, and we held hands and were cute.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Another planet dream--from an IM convo

i was on a bus with a group of other people, and we were in the mountains
it looked a lot like the santa cruz mountains. We were going downhill, out of the mountains, going somewhere, but I'm not sure all of us knew where.
The ride started getting realy bumpy, and I was having a hard time holding on and staying in my seat. I think we even went upsidedown for awhile.
Then we got down to a flat plain, and we were flying above it, hanging from what ever vehicle was taking us whereever we were going
and our feet were dangling down, and it was like we were flying over Africa...there were lots of groups of black people that were dressed really poorly and they looked sick
then i start getting annoyed cause there are a bunch of brown birds with pointy beaks that start folloowing us.
they were about the length of my arm and didn't have wings, and looked a bit like feathered flying worms
and they followed literally at our heels, pecking.
I think I was the only one to kick one of the birds, nobody else wanted to
(i'm only about halfway done hahaha)
and it was SUPER lightweight, but kicking it did nothing, it came right back and started pecking again
then we got to a place with long grass...brown and also that brand new green...bright green....and trees
and there was a gate, the kind you see on farms. Metal, about 6 feet across...
and so it was cracked open and we decided we needed to go through it
we're walking around, and not being terribly cautious
and all of a sudden I look up, and see that half of the group had gone FAR ahead, and then a metal cage pops around them....CAPTURED!
the few of us left regroup and try to figure out what to do.
There was me, my sister, a wizard, my friend Mitch, and...a prince and a little girl.
(the prince being about my age)
so we try to find a safe place to organize ourselves, but realize that whoever captured the rest of the group is onto us and will be coming shortly to collect the rest of us
so then we're trying to find a place to meet seriously, and we walk into a like enclosure with cages.....and about six Lions in the cages
me and the little girl find it, and then the prince and wizard tell us to get out
so we do
and we find another hut
and we start to figure things out...try to plan ahead, collect ropes and such
and then I turn to mitch and i'm like...mitch...we need to get out of here in case THEY come. We need to split the group
so that we still have a chance
so then
(this could be a novel i swear)
he and I leave. I remember he had a jumprope and his pocket knife, and I had a little snack, a turquoise bandana, and thats al I can remember
we go towards where the others were captured, and see that they were captured by not paying attention...there was a beautiful view...because the place went right up to the edge of a cliff, that had an electric "HIGH VOLTAGE" fence around it.
so we go up to the small portion of the fence that isnt high voltage
and we look over....and I am mitch....can you fly on command in your dreams?
and he is, I only can fly after I see somebody else fly...and even then its usually in ANOTHER dream
so I was like...well shit he's going to get left here, I can't carry him all the way to the bottom
and then we see the sign....a hand written one, something about virgins....I don't think it was very pleasany
and then THEY start closing in on us, so I tell mitch good luck with the jumprope, and I climb over the chainlinks, and my phone falls out. I think OH SHIT. no way to contct ANYONE now.
and Its getting dark, so I leap off, fly down towards ANYTHING
and I land near what I assume is a small living area
mostly because i can't conceive of anybody HERE driving anything
I climb in, I turn whatever it is on, but then decide I should turn it off if i dont want to get caught
then I take out my turquoise handkercheif thing and it turns into a blanket. Good.
When I wake up, I realise I'm in some sort of car
and I need to turn it on and get movingcause theres people behind me
so then I turn it on, but can't figure out how to drive cause theres no wheel
so I try leaning, I try thinking the directions....with little success
and then I notice above my head, some sort of fold down eye thing
so i fold it down and try to look through it, but see nothing. I have to adjust the sights. So I adjust it, I can finally see
and I am arriving at a palace
it starts to rain, and when I stop at the front steps, the rain stops and turns to little frozen bits, and falls immediately, all at once, as if it were marbles
and I get out of the car, and walk up the steps. A woman rushes over to me, takes me into her rooms and puts me in pretty old fashioned clothes and then puts make up on my face.
I get lots of eyeliner, with designs at the corners of the eyes
and an eye of ra drawn on my neck
on the left side
I had long hair(I always do in dreams)
and so then I want to know what has become of the people that were on the loose
and I am brought before the king, a prince and a wizard
they arent MY prince and wizard
but then they show up too
and then we go looking for my phone
I had missed calls.
and then I remember something about my prince and wizard getting betrothed to women from where ever the hell we were. Found out that my prince was the one who wrote the virgin sign..whatever it said
then there was something about me marrying this strange prince
from this other land
and i was fine with it for some odd reason...
the very end I was looking for something all over the place, and I couldnt find it
and I was wearing a shirt and my underwear
and i walk thru a room with the prince I'm gonna marry, the other prince, the little girl, the two wizards and the king
and i'm distraught cause I can't find whatever it is
and the guy I'm supposed to marry tosses me a box of coins and says "Here, this might cheer you up"
so i am like ooo cool coins
oh wait
i can't use these anywhere but here
and we can't stay here,
we have to go back to the real world
and then I open the box...which was round and shallow....and then i look at the coins
and he's like....wel mostly theyre from here
but there are a few quarters in there

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Dreaming of strange places and things again

There was no beginning. I wanted to go to my grandmother in Arizona for a visit(which I will be doing in a week or so in reality) But first, my family and I were going to my grandparents in the mountains near our home. My dad was going to make Japeno(spelling? Its a shellfish soup with tomato...) which I do not like much. We went, and he was making it, and I asked him if had remembered to buy mussels because I really wanted to try making mussels with a cream sauce. He said yes, he had. We opened the box, and they smelled terrible, so he told me I should cut up some pieces of this red meat and put them in there to absorb the smell. (?!?!?!)

I then turned and decided to go to the pool with my sister. I figured this would be more interesting. At my grandparents, we don't have a pool, we have a dammed up creek. But in the dream there was a pool. The bottom was rocky, like a creek, but it was in the ground, in a defined space. I was there with my younger sister, and other people started showing up. Notably my friend Catie, who was swimming around in the pool like a little frog. I wasn't swimming, just watching my sister and Catie, because I was confused as to how she got to my grandparents from Buffalo, NY.

I kept looking out into the distance, and I could see the ocean from the pool. Which is very odd. My grandparents definitely do not live near the ocean. They live further than I do, and I live at least 45 minutes from any beach. When I would look back at the pool, the water level would go down every time...

My sister decided she wanted to go do a tennis lesson, but since it was raining(which it hadn't been while we were at the pool...) the lesson was to be held indoors. She and many other girls of various ages were lined up inside, and they were just doing drills because they couldn't actually play. I saw a cabinet on the far side, that intrigued me. I went over to it, around all the girls, around the perimeter of the room(a gym?) and got to the cabinet. It had a lot of drawers, and upon opening them, I found snacks with labels that said things like "enjoy!" with smiley faces. In one drawer there was coffee, but if you didn't pull out the drawer underneath the coffee would spill everywhere. The drawer underneath had a cup in it. I spilled coffee everywhere the first time I opened the drawer.

Then My sister and I were back at the pool. There was no water left at all. On the far side of the pool there was a bookcase with antiques in it. My mom was going through them, looking to see if there was anything worth keeping in it. The first thing I noticed was a pair of doeskin moccasins that were ankle-highs. I loved them, they were still soft...but they were TINY, for someone with very small feet, and my mom had to talk me out of keeping them. Then there were old photographs and china and many other things.

The last thing I remember was walking on the beach, ahead of two people holding hands. I was walking with some sort of walking stick, digging at things in the sand, and the people behind me were with me, but I was distracting myself from them...

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Bad Monkey's

I read a book yesterday. Bad Monkeys by Matt Ruff.
I highly recommend it.
It actually made me wonder if there was such an organization as the one that fights evil in the novel.

I imagine it to be the kind of thing that everyone knows about. Everyone learns about it eventually. Much like we all learn about how people are set to destroy others...war, molesters, rape, murder, burglary, etc....or how we all learn what sex is.....

It's something like that.

So maybe, someday, someone will come for me, and tell me I could hunt down evil people for them, and shoot them with a Natural Causes gun, and put them out of their misery. And maybe there is such thing as the Troop, and maybe Bad Monkeys really are recruited to do evil in the world and are part of a greater plan.

Read it.

Dreams about lions and races and games

I'm in a tall building. There is some sort of event going on for children in particular, but adults are welcome. We are supposed to go to the sixth floor. A lot of people are taking the elevator...So we decide to take the stairs. This was mostly my decision. I say "we," but I don't know who was with me. We get up to about floor 4, and the stairwell seems cramped...the space between floors is shorter, I have to crawl up the stairs. The friend I am with, whoever that is, starts climbing up a rope that's hanging from the next floor. Everything is painted black, and the outlines are painted in some neon color that glows. The corners, the outines....

We get up to the sixth floor, and there are a lot of people all around. A lot of young people. I climb over a little hill in the dark, and suddenly, I was sitting at the dam at my grandparents--we have a small creek that we dam up every year, and below the little dam, there is a "beach" of small rocks. I was sitting here, and I was drawing. When I draw, I tend to start with the eye. Maybe that's because of art lessons in school when I was little. I think I had a few teachers tell us to always start with the eyes. I was drawing a tiger, or trying to. Except then the drawing started to turn into the real thing before me as I drew. But the coloring wasn't right, and then he and I decided he was a Lion instead. I finished one eye, one half of his face, and then part of a mane....and then he got up and started walking around, scaring the other people in the room...because somehow the dam was in the room.

Then I got up to follow him and see what he was doing.

Next I remember, I was running a race. I hate running. I've covered that in this blog, but I'll say it again. I hate running. I was running this race. It was me and a big fat guy against a family of Hispanics. He was counting on me to win, because he was far behind the rest of us. I was near the front, most of the race was between me and their oldest son, who couldn't have been as old as I even. We would catch up to one another, grab onto the other persons arm and hold on for dear life to keep up...and when one person would tire out, the other would do the same....

Eventually their son got stuck somewhere. I don't remember where. We were running through all sorts of terrain as well as houses and stores. I ended up near the end racing with the wife. I got the feeling we were close in age...we got along really well, spoke for the last portion of the race, her beautiful spanish accent grabbing my attention. We were running past a lot of luxurious shops with cashmere sweaters and scarves, storefronts with leather gloves and diamond earrings and pretty paintings. There also were a few cliffs we ran right next to...there was jewelry laid out on the edge, and we were trying to not step on the pretty jewelry, not slip into the sea.....

We got down to the point where we had only to go past her husbands office and then we would be at the end of the race, so we stopped talking and put effort into running again. She ran around the building, but I was already inside, and I realized that maybe they had locked the door on the inside so I wouldn't be able to run out the backdoor to the finishline. I had the thought, but then I got to the door, and it opened, and I ran out the back, onto the sand, and hopped up on the rock where we were supposed to finish. There were six men in diving suits standing with their arms in the air, fingers interlaced, forming a bridge.

They all yelled and hollered for the victory....

Friday, January 2, 2009

Odd dream from the land of magic...

I was in a strange world that resembled my own...
In fact I think that it was my world, but it had a double that followed it closely, and when I wasn't careful, I got sucked into the other universe that had witches and dancing animals and strange courtships and young men that sleep for years at a time, under a spell from a sorceress.

I have been here before, and it's not just the similarities of the physical world that make me think this.

I am living in the sorceress's house. It is old, very old. Made of stone, thatched roof. It seems it has grown larger since I have been away. She is old and a bit fat, but wouldn't like me telling you that. She often in absent, though her presence is felt, and she seems to turn up at all the moments I wish she wouldn't.

This particular adventure was in late summer most probably, as much of the grass was a dry brittle beige-brown, and I was out hiking, trying to reconnect with high school friends home on vacation, and friends from other countries that I now have not seen in many many months.

My brother and some of his friends, and my sister and some of hers have gone out paint-balling. I believe they are staying at the cabin, at my grandparents in the woods, in the mountains. I see them come in and out of here.

I leave one building and I no longer am in the same universe. I seem to walk out of one building in my life, and hop into a world where I can pick the building and universe I wish to go to. All the buildings are on sand dunes. There are a lot of sea grasses growing, and we can't see the sand very well, but it covers the ground.

I see some of my friends in this place, in the place between universes, in the place between homes and work and schools and lives. They are all sitting around here in this place having fun...but I see them in the distance, not near to me, and they have their own in-betweens. They have forests or rivers or oceans or deserts.

My friend Catie, a bubbly sprite from upstate New York that became a good friend after I met her in France last year, is near me in the sand. She knows where we are, but I am lost. She tries to connect this place to reality for me, but I can't make it the same way she has. We try climbing a hill, and I can't make it up because I keep slipping in the sand. We try over and over and over. Then I go back down to the buildings and tell her I'll find her later.

I find the witches building. I need to go back there because it is my beginning, it is my base, but I want nothing more than to avoid her. I go in, go past the traps she has set in the past to keep people out. I remember in the dream how much trouble I used to have getting in. I get to yet another foyer and see the bed. It is not my bed, but it is THE bed.

There is a young man on it, he appears to be either dead, or in a very deep sleep. I look down and realize my backpacks are gone. I was going to be going somewhere with a friend...I can't remember what...we were supposed to do something together...maybe a group of people. But I can't find my backpacks.

I decide to go back out and look. I start walking around outside, and I walk into other people's inbetween-universes looking for my backpacks. I can't remember where I've been or who I've seen or where I might have left them. I see someone from high school. A "Band Nerd" who was always very nice, but I never got to know him very well...(I have nothing against band nerds, my adorable goofy little sister is one of them, and she is probably one of my best friends EVER)
I called out to him, but he didn't hear me, and I saw that he was wearing headphones, so I called louder, "MARK!"

He turned around, "What are you doing here?"
I look around. We're in the forest, near the entrance to a natural state park. I say..."I'm looking for my backpacks, but I don't remember exactly where I left them. I don't want to walk around alone in the forest looking."
He looks hesitant, so I add,"please come with me, it won't take very long..."
He agrees.

We start walking down the road. I get ahead very easily. When I'm far enough ahead that he can not see me hover around corners instead of walk, I do it. I stop and wait occasionnally for him to catch up, but I am getting really nervous about not finding my backpacks. It's getting dark, and its starting to rain. I convince Mark we need to jog a bit. We stay on the road, because I don't recognize anything. We get nearer and nearer the entrance, and I start to see things I recognize, but from another point in time. I know my backpacks aren't here, but I want to go in and see what is pulling at me.

He follows me from afar, and eventually I ditch him. There are people walking around, hitching horses to buggies and working in wooden buildings and wearing oldfashioned clothing. I start poking around, using the excuse that I'm looking for my bags when anybody asks.

I keep walking in the same direction through this little town or village, however we ought to say it. Near the end, there is a front stoop that is undeniably the witches. I go in. It's raining, it's getting darker and darker.

I go through the same obstacles again. I get to the room before the bed. My bags are on the floor. I sigh a sigh of relief. There are other peoples things as well. The sorceress has other guests I suppose. I am a bit jealous, as I thought I was the only one she took under her wing. I take my two backpacks, one yellow, one black, into the next room. The room with the bed, with the boy. I look at him, rearrange the sheets. I turn to my backpacks, and start to rummage around, when I hear the boy turning in his sheets..."Have you heard the rumour that she wants to have you kidnapped so you will stay here? The advertising and the money on you would be spectacular."

I turn back. "OH..." I can't remember his name. This bothers me. I should know it. I recognize him, I've had these sorts of conversations with him before. He is asleep when I enter, but from time to time, he speaks to me. "...Fry" he says, reminding me of his name. I look at his toe, it has a tag tied to it. "Fry, aged 14, died 1904"

He reminds me of what he just said, "She MIGHT want to kidnap you to keep you here forever." I give Fry a hug..."it's been a long time Fry..." I turn and start rearranging my bags. I take things out of my suitcase and start looking through my backpacks. I know I can only take one backpack, though I have two plus a suitcase. I take out all my socks. Some of them have holes, about half of them are dirty, and there are many I haven't bothered to take out of their packaging. I got them on clearance somewhere, because there are still red tags on the paper and plastic...3.89...2.99...1.85....

I stack the socks while thinking about how I am possibly going to get all my new clothes and things into my backpack and take them with me.

I turn to take more things out...
and there she is.

"Oh Fry," she sighs, "you know you shouldn't do things like that. If I wanted her to stay here, I would already have done something to restrain her. She has been here so many times before. And Fry...don't forget...even if she flees, you cannot go with her, no matter how in love with her you are. If you court her, if you leave this bed, you will explode into a thousand million grains of sand. I'll plant my cactuses in you."

Fry's expression doesn't change. He knows all this.

I've stopped trying to pack.

I follow her out a different door, into her garden, calling her mistress and Lady-mother, and asking her what Fry could have meant, and did she want me to stay...

She snapped at me and told me to stop following her.

The snake wrapped around her arms slips off and slithers into the garden.

I feel very small.

I leave.